Angel Poem by Shane Joshua Thomas

First draft written in 2016; final stanza written in 2019.Inspired by the line the song Angel by Fortunes. Particularly the line " cracking colours showing" . The writing process was very absorbed, as if inspired by some external force. To this day I do not know where the poem originates from, nor do I fully grasp its meaning.The poem is not based on any particular person or previously developed thought; it was conceived spontaneously. The man depicted in the poem is not myself either.Summary: This poem is about a man who is unhealthily afraid and deprived of intimacy. He is overwhelmed by feelings for a woman who has fallen asleep on his living room floor. His state of mind causes him to have illusions that the woman is some sort of 'angel', and he begins to find her more beautiful than anything. He fails to fall asleep because of the incessant thoughts keeping him awake. From staying awake too long, his state of mind becomes even more obsessive.Commentary: Throughout the poem is unusual syntax, reflecting the man's state of mind. One thought bleeds into the next, as do sentences, leaving a sense of urgency that is not resolved until he ends with his confession that his " mind is still hazed from the flash of it all." The last stanza is a reflection after awakening from his previous mindstate. He realises that there was no angel at all, merely some women sleeping on his living room floor.There are several unusual phrases. 'Moonfall' refers to the passage of a sleepless night, as the Moon fades and the Sun inevitably returns. The man in the poem is fixed in thought, rendering him unable to sleep. Many people report a surge in energy after being awake for many hours late at night. This is described as being 'drunk on night'. He wishes he could sleep, just like the 'angel' he sees in slumber beneath him. She is in 'Slumberland', a place his own neuroticism keeps him out of. Dreams are a form of 'silent contemplation'. While the woman sees mystical 'blue beings' on a hill in her dreams, the man's silent contemplation is a conscious, waking one, slowly bringing him closer to insanity. In sleep, people can 'rest their unfinished thoughts', but not him. The Sun's eventual arrival is therefore 'unwelcomed'.In his solitude on the sofa, he finds comfort in the night itself, which 'holds him warm'. This is his only substitute for human contact. His state of mind is ever more obsessive. He describes the angel's 'placement', as if the gods had placed her there intentionally. He begins seeing lights and colourful illusions. They are so much he has to turn away, since they are 'burning through his calm'. By morning, when he catches her in the sunlight, it is 'their moment' as if it were by fate.The phrase 'if her to only hold my hand' is another peculiar use of language. 'If her...' has a sense of longing to it, suggesting the other thoughts on his mind. The phrase 'her smile stares straight right through to my soul' may also appear strange at first. People often find eye contact intense, especially with the opposite sex intense. The man in the poem is so fearful of intimacy, he even finds her very smile so intense that it 'stares through to his soul'.The woman (angel) seen in the poem is depicted as ordinary. Her brown eyes and brown hair are nothing stunning to the eyes of most. It is perhaps only in his mind that she possesses any sublime beauty and therefore an 'angel'. Something unknown to others make her 'fiery and elusive'. Perhaps his desperation for human touch induces a dopamine rush from seeing or thinking about women.Several sexual undertones are present, but they are truly undertones, quickly abandoned. I imagine this man is terrified of the very thought of sex. The line 'my palm is too afraid to clutch her back' confirms this fear of intimacy. He is overwhelmed by the woman's touch, which he recalls as a 'hazed flash'. The man is able to acknowledge his own neurotic thoughts and feelings. He finds his desire for human contact 'depraved' - desperate due to a complete lack of human touch in his life. It is also depraved because he is averse to physical intimacy and the touch of another's hand. It seems the man has many unresolved problems that would make it unviable for him to have a relationship. His visions of the 'angel' were a combination of being awake too late, and his depraved need for human touch.