A Silent Melody Poem by Vaibhav Simha
A Silent Melody
Many have I beheld who accost the kind with scorn,
And well-nigh of them all do expiate less, for those kind and forlorn;
And amidst this eerie clutter, on the cliff, knelt a girl of heart, purest and out-of-sin,
Who faced the chaos with tears trickling down her chin.
With all of her voice, to the Ultimate she beseeched:
"Forgive them, O' Lord, for their shrouds of imperfections are yet to be breached;
Cast them off not to retribution: their frozen hearts are yet to be thawed with altruism.
Preserve their existence, since they've not known the purpose of my stoicism..."
But before her orison arrived at its end, an egocentric had kicked her off
And witnessed her tragic fall; then off he went with a sardonic cough.
In this demonized world of rage, greed and felony,
For once there was a hope, lingering in the girl's heart as a silent melody.
(cont.) 2 - BUT " almost" can be used either as an adjective OR an adverb, and i think you try using it as an adjective**, pairing it with " all" (used as a noun here) ** " an adjective is that it is a word that describes or clarifies a noun" " expiate: verb atone for (guilt or sin) " SO, i THINK you mean " Almost all of them do expiate less...." , but i don't know what you mean by expiate (aka atone for) less. (cont.)
(cont.) 2 - BUT " almost" can be used either as an adjective OR an adverb, and i think you try using it as an adjective**, pairing it with " all" (used as a noun here) ** " an adjective is that it is a word that describes or clarifies a noun" " expiate: verb atone for (guilt or sin) " SO, i THINK you mean " Almost all of them do expiate less...." , but i don't know what you mean by expiate (aka atone for) less. (cont.)
(cont.) 3 - " orison: noun ARCHAIC a prayer." ...i never heard the word. i'd shy away from using " archaic" words if you want most of your readers to understand your poems. " kicked her off" the cliff? ? ? why WAS she on the cliff to begin with? was it a symbolic 'cliff'? ? and " sardonic cough" ? ? i wonder what one of THOSE sounds like. (cont.)
(cont.) 4 - i thought the girl would have died or at least been very seriously injured. she must be super-human, super-natural, or STUPID if her heart still held hope after that! ! bri :) p.s. the story could be followed even if it seemed a bit unrealistic (to me) , AND i had to look up a bunch of words! ha ha.
Yes sometimes we fall but always gets up. However the protagonist went through lot of ordeals. Great way expressing power feelings. Thumbs up!
Here the style looks a little laboured.... you could have used ordinary words.... then the poem would have sounded more lyrical.....! However you have high ideals in your mind and know how to express them powerfully! Great write!
This world is an assorted mixture of the good and the evil! Some are so kind hearted and forgiving....! Some others are so callous and wicked! Here you have dramatized the dichotomy of human nature. The girl represents all the goodness in the world and the arrogant man who kicked her down from the cliff is a representative of the other extreme.
on the cliff, knelt a girl of heart, purest and out-of-sin, Who faced the chaos with tears trickling down her chin. a very fine poem. thank u dear poet. tony
1 - " accost: verb approach and address (someone) boldly or aggressively" i thought accost meant to block or injury. hmm? " well-nigh adverb: (it means) almost" AND, as an adverb, well-nigh should be paired with a verb in a sentence. (cont.)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/4/2024 3:08:02 PM # 1.0.0.1119
1 - " accost: verb approach and address (someone) boldly or aggressively" i thought accost meant to block or injury. hmm? " well-nigh adverb: (it means) almost" AND, as an adverb, well-nigh should be paired with a verb in a sentence. (cont.)