Admire His Doings Poem by Vaibhav Simha
Admire His Doings
The winter bird sat in a stricken-want for the fire,
Its beak frozen, its heart cold, and yet it's a crier
Of the Heavenly Lord's thoughtful work that has made its living vile,
For he believes the Lord was testing him if he was loyal.
The bird said, ‘Father in Heaven, You are much loved by me,
Trusted are You by me; I hope You can sense this and see.'
But his calls remained unanswered and he lifted off to the devil's wicked side,
For he believes the Lord has, to him, lied.
The summer bell rang and the bird's frozen heart thawed.
From the west landed a winged-family, their children sang in a thankful chord:
‘Thank you for the summer's flame as our homeland was swept in ice
And our earthly bodies have trembled, but You, my Lord, have heard our cries! '
Next to the winter bird, knelt his own brother
Towards the lurid sun, his heart broke its restrictive tether,
For the brethren-bird has wished for the warmth of the sun
And promised God to turn the frown of the winter bird in return.
The winter bird stood awestruck and witnessed the Lord's holy game,
Where one is not deprived for others' sake, for all are self-same.
The winter bird sought happiness, for himself and for all,
In the end, prevailed the Lord's will of granting sorrow's fall.
1 - i don't understand: a - " a stricken-strive" i only find " strive" as a verb b - " brooded work' you seem to use " brooded" as an adjective, but i don't think it is meant to be an adj. Perhaps you mean a life that one has " brooded *** over" ? *** brood: " think deeply about something that makes one unhappy." c - " made its living vile" ** ** vile: " extremely unpleasant."
In God's eyes everyone is the same. The thankless winter bird who once turned to the devil for not getting its wish granted also at the end is made to realize God's mercy and it too is able to partake of God's benevolence. The message the poem gives is profound. But you have made it a little obscure by the use of language.
The young poet thinks high and writes poems on problems of the society for ex Child Labour and on God' s greatness. Twenty long lines ha ve been written in this poem. In 16 years, the boy-poet's write ups are excellent pieces of poetry.
4 – Stanza 5, line 2: I don’t think I understand this line. Stanza 5: “sorrow’s fall” …the end of (the winter bird’s) sorrow? ? I like stanza 5. I like the poem, especially after studying it a bit. I like that you did not ‘need’ to use a lot of rhyming. But the rhyming you used is pretty good. And you did not use a bunch of words I don’t ‘know’. Ha ha. To MyPoemList. But I’d like you to take some of my suggestions, before I share it with others. bri :)
3 – Back at stanza 1, at end of 3rd line: I would use a period, not a semi-colon. Stanza 3, line 1: I would end the sentence at the end of this line. Stanza 3, line 2: start new sentence & use “glaring”, not “blaring”; check their definitions!
2 – so, did God make the winter bird's life/living " vile" with the freezing weather? ? WHY WOULD God do that to a bird OR A HUMAN? ? ? I don't " buy into" a belief in God anymore, but i know i used to hear: 'God works in mysterious ways’. Stanza 2: I like this stanza. I guess I’m on “the devil’s side” if I’m not on ‘God’s side’? ? ? Is that how life works? ?
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/4/2024 5:26:12 PM # 1.0.0.1119
nice dramatic monologue of winter bird