Stay Here With Me While Dark Shadows Fall Poem by L MILTON HANKINS

Stay Here With Me While Dark Shadows Fall



Stay here with me while dark shadows fall,
Across my eyes one last shutter close
Before the end, my eternity will call.

Though I know the end is near and all
Those gather around me silenced voices,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.

Closer come; search the depths of my last call
And slink from the gasps of dying breath
Trace in my furrowed brow the bitter gall.

Would a gentler life have saved the jaded pall
And posed my dying lips in a somber smile,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.

All must come to final moments, face the wall
Beyond which those so near are yet far away
Before the end, my eternity will call.

Gaze down along the halls of death, and call
To me from realms beyond I cannot flee,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.
Trace in my furrowed brow the bitter gall.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020
Topic(s) of this poem: death,dying
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
L Milton Hankins 15 October 2020

" A villanelle is a poetic form with nineteen lines and a strict pattern of repetition and a rhyme scheme. Each villanelle is comprised of five tercets (i.e., a three-line stanza) followed by one quatrain (a stanza with four lines) ."

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Bri Edwards 13 October 2020

p.s. THAT (above) was a workout for me! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! :) bri

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Bri Edwards 13 October 2020

4 – " call To me from realms beyond I cannot flee, " i'd expect " which" before " I" , BUT...i'm not sure you are saying what you mean to say! ! I feel this poem has a lot of promise, but falls short here and there. NOW to copy and paste elsewhere (my comments) and then break into lengths PH will accept! ! bri :)

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Bri Edwards 13 October 2020

3 – I wish you used more punctuation, and i think more proofreading may help as well. I've noticed the rhyming words. Sometimes i feel maintaining a rhyme scheme causes a poet to skimp on other parts their poem. I'm not saying this is true here. i really like " face the wall Beyond which those so near are yet far away Before the end" (cont.)

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Bri Edwards 13 October 2020

1 – line 3 closes, not close line 4 i'd put a comma at end line 5 i'd put " with" after " me" line 7 " me" is/was on her/his cell phone? ? line 9 gall bold and impudent behavior OR bile? (cont.)

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L MILTON HANKINS

L MILTON HANKINS

Hico Fayette Co West Virginia
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