I Always Wonder Poem by Joshua Hillard

Why is it when I am down?
That you are no where around,
Never there to help me off the ground,
Just letting my heart slowly pound,

Why is it when I am cold?
I’m left there with nothing to hold,
Never feeling the warmth that I once showed,
Now all I can do is listen to be told,

Told what though?
That’s one thing I will never know,
My heart strains ready to blow,
And when it is, all you do is let go,

How come I am always there?
I come to you to let our hearts share,
That’s the one thing you do in a pair,
But when I am down, I don’t think you care,

Why don’t you ever show me the same?
It’s always me, who lays their head in shame,
For my emotions, I’m always the one to blame,
I’m losing control; I’m going insane,

Why is it when I need you?
There is nothing you can do,
You have always said it is true,
But now I am beginning to see you have no proof,

Now I sit here in ignorance,
Using my very mind and heart as a remembrance,
My heart always waited for that one chance,
But now, I seem to have lost my tolerance,

I’m giving up right before my eyes,
Seems my gift was taken, I was never rewarded a prize,
Through this time I always thought my heart had gained size,
But now all I can see, is it was all lies,

So now I remorse, in all my pain,
From the things I had lost, to the things I can gain,
But it’s on a scale; my blood outweighed my sane,
And now, the blood from my heart begins to drain.