Bramblepatch The Cat Poem by heather sweeting

Bramblepatch was a handsome cat
A picture of feline perfection!
From the tip of his nose to his lofty tail
He exemplified natural selection!
Neither tabby nor a marmalade
He was possibly ‘lemon cheese! '
With his yellow ears and ginger paws,
An appearance designed to please.

So how could a cat, so lithe, so svelte,
So perfect - so discreet,
Be known by all in the neighbourhood
As the devil of Angel Street?
His reputation had been earned
By the carnage he left in his trail;
Feathers, fur and piles of bones,
Destruction, off the scale!

He'd patrol the bird tables and the lawns
Then, crouching unseen in a thicket,
He'd wait for an unwary bird to descend
Then quickly leap up and ‘nick it! '
Nothing was safe from this scheming cat
No creature could move undetected,
Without it was pounced upon, tossed to and fro
Before being deftly dissected.

Meetings were held, conferences too
From Putney to the Isle of Thanet,
To discourage the cat? Nay, more than that,
To banish him from the planet!
A scheme was devised to set a trap
Which would catch the cat ‘red pawed',
And another, perhaps more drastic,
Was to grab him and have him 'de-clawed'!

Cameras and security lights,
Water cannon and flares,
Trip wires in the garden
And many, many prayers!
The residents went to enormous lengths
To catch him in the act,
But Bramblepatch was too clever
To be fooled by any of that!

Bramblepatch was a very wise cat,
Perceptive and given to guile.
He befriended some sailors in the docks
Disappearing for a while.
Now he's on board a container ship,
Which navigates the Nile,
As ‘Chief Ratter to the Captain' -
More in keeping with his style!