Beyond My Understanding. Poem by Ace Of Black Hearts

Addicted to the booze.
I just don't know what that means.
I've never had the need to drown myself so completely.
From sunrise to sunset.
Bottle after bottle.
Stacked to the sky.
I can never understand.
Growing up with a drunk.
Never physically abused, but verbal all the time.
Walking on eggshells to the very last day.
He was my father all the same.
Wasting away.
Mentally deteriorating till there was nothing.
But he couldn't put it down even after my mom left.
There is nothing worse then watching the one you love slip away.
And know nothing you do or say will change a thing.
I have drank socially, but never in excess.
Even when depressed.
But it has been years.
Not for the fear of the affliction.
But because one night I got so violent I nearly killed my best friend.
And that brought it to end.
Scared of what I could do.
So every time I hear about someone who can't put it down.
I question it all.
Where is there will?
How could that ever be a possibility.
Where is your selfcontrol the next morning.
With all the vomiting and your head spinning why would you continue to desire how it makes you feel.
I know the withdrawals are real.
But how does one ever reach that point.
Going on for days, with no reason behind the madness.
I just don't understand, I don't think I ever can.