Start Again Poem by Erin Cowart

Here is how we start
Breathe in and then out
Eyes open, then close, then open again
Place your feet on the floor
And rise to greet the day

This day will not come again
And thank whatever gods there are
For that small mercy
This day I put you under grass
And say a final goodbye

Here is how it starts
She was brave and lovely until the end
What courage and grace
Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit
We will sing a song

Here is how it ends
Take a handful of dirt
And throw it on her coffin
A fort to keep out the worms
To preserve flesh and bone for a while longer

Here is how we cry
Numb and in the bottom of a bottle
Shoving leftovers in our mouths to fill the hole in our bellies
Digging through the remains of a life
Dividing them up like consolation prizes
A small consolation

Here is how we sleep
In sweat drenched sheets
With nightmare memories
That never seem to end
And only serve to remind of what was lost

What was lost will never be again
The arrangement of swirling matter and stardust
Cannot find its way back to the same form
Cannot create the same smell, or touch or taste
And a copy is never as good as the original anyway

Here is how we live
In waking moments of little deaths
The book she never finished reading
The toothbrush left on the sink
The pillow that still holds the scent

And then one day, unexpectedly life will resume
The swirling dance of action will carry on
The music will play
And we will move with all the dancers

Here is how we start again
Breathe in and then out
Eyes open, then close, then open again
Place your feet on the floor
And rise to greet the day