I Blame Him Not Poem by Aba Radical

I Blame Him Not

I have been told that the world is round
And that the people I meet while going
Are the same people I will meet when returning
But my world and his are different
I walk the same route without seeing him anymore

Bright eyes
Black boy with a diamond heart
Spiral hair design
Croaky voice that sounds like this and like that
Strong shoulders
Wild teeth that tells me at the sound of chicken's plight
In his mouth that I'm missing a lot being a vegetarian
Wide contagious smile that betrays his dimple
Long hands that shields me from danger
A feature that is quite strange for
The most careless pedestrian I have ever met

He easily and successfully did what I failed to do; replacing me
Or at least, that's what I think
I failed gracefully, that I can proudly say
I've been replaced with someone
And he even agrees that "she will do what I will not do"

Today I stroll down the street alone
Walk to the cafeteria with no one
Hold hands with empty hands
And walk arms in arms with nobody

It feels like I'm griping on too hard
As he slips through my hands each and every day
Its like I'm forcing to be there
It could be as Jamie Grace says it
That perhaps my hands are not done growing yet

I won't push anymore
He used to even recognise my shadow
But now I'm two footsteps away
From him and he won't notice until I call
My presence had faded from his senses
I have to intentionally make my presence known
So he will notice me because if
That doesn't happen for too long
I'll be accused of avoiding him

But I blame him not
I blame myself
Because that is what he unconsciously hopes
That I blame him not
For everything that I am not to blame for

Now I'm going to control that edge and crave for him
Because neɛ adeɛwɔ no na odie, na ɛnyɛ dieɛ ekom de no
(It is the man who has food, not the man who hungers, who eats)
I cannot own what I have lost

Perhaps our world was never even round
To begin with
It was two diverging parallel lines
That had the same starting point
I expect us to grow farther and wider apart
We are the lines that would never meet
I'd just go my separated way
like he has successfully done
And hope that one day ripples of a circle
Would create a dissonance with our path so we can at least if not meet, feel each others presence again

But until then
Until two arcs of the ripples circumference
Gets hold of us simultaneously
And help us feel each other again
Until I can hold his solid tummy
And get diagnosed with his contagious smile
Until he can differentiate my carbon dioxide from that of others and my replacement
Until I can hear his heart beat even if not for me
Until I can look up from under my eyebrows and see him starring down at me
Until I am the one who sits in the seat opposite to him
Until I become the lady he opens the door for again
Until I become the one he pulls out the chair for
Until he remembers what my presence feels like
Until he unlearn and learn how love me all over again
Until he begins to crave for me
Until he begins to need me
Until he remembers the taste of my love
I will blame him not!

Aba Radical
The Photographer of Thoughts
Fb: Mercy Aba Blankson
Twitter: @aba radical
IG: Aba Radical
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