From Mrs. Smith To Betty Crocker Poem by Jim Yerman

Years ago in the program I was teaching every Thanksgiving do or die
I would enter my class in a contest to bake the most delicious pumpkin pie.

I would find the most delectable recipes and only the finest ingredients would I choose
But somehow in spite of all this dedication, my homemade pie would lose.

I thought baking a pie from scratch is always best; this turned out to be a myth
Because 3 years in a row I lost to a pie baked by Mrs. Smith.

Mrs. Smith was not another teacher whose homemade pie made a real smash.
No, my nemesis was Mrs. Smith the frozen pie (it was I who found the box in the trash) .

(I will not reveal the name of this fraudulent cooking whiz
Because she is a friend on Facebook...and she know’s who she is!)

Even after showing them the box, the judges were unswayed; their ruling stood.
They were adamant my homemade pie just didn’t taste as good.

I never won a pie making contest. I like to think my pies were too unorthodox.
Still today I can’t walk through the frozen foods without cursing out the box.

But that was long ago and I’ve recovered from my shame
I understand when it came to pie contests I only had myself to blame.

Flash ahead to this Christmas season when it was prearranged
I would be a willing participant in my former school’s cookie exchange.

Once again I looked up recipes, would I make my cookies green or red?
Finally I decided on cake pops made out of gingerbread.

So I mixed up all the batter, rolled them into balls, then put them in the freezer.
I was sure these gingerbread cake balls would be a a tasty, fun, crowd pleaser.

I covered them with chocolate, knowing in the exchange they would be the stars
But I noticed they didn’t taste as good as Barb’s sweet lemon bars.

I asked her how she made them, to reveal to me her secret baking tricks
She smiled and said she ran out of time and used a Betty Crocker mix.

Once again I felt a blow to my cooking prowess and my self-esteem
In fairness how could I compete with a box that labeled their lemon bars supreme?

I have learned a valuable lesson or perhaps all this failing has sent me off my rocker
But next year’s when I enter I’ll sign up as Mrs. Smith then cook with Betty Crocker.