Ridden By A Boo Hag
Poem by Thomas Coston
I saw her. God help me, I saw her.
At first, I thought it was some terrible dream,
Paralysis prevented me from screaming,
As my chest heaved from the weight of this hag
Who fed upon my breath
To describe this horror
At the expense of not sounding sober
Defies reason if not sanity.
For how can one convey this monstrosity
With any hope of being taken seriously?
For weeks, each morning I awoke
I felt dead tired, almost broken,
From want of a good night's rest
That defied all logic at best,
Since, I lie down at a quarter to ten.
The other night, as I labored in sleep,
I awoke to find this fiend
Whose lidless eyes stared into mine
Bulging from a skinless mien,
Exposed muscles, sinews, and pulsating veins.
She puckered and sucked each breath
As she rode my chest
Her grey hair undulating in a most unnatural state.
It was then that I began to understand
That it wasn't my breath, but my skin she might take.
But night had waned; it was almost daybreak
The Boo Hag must return to her old skin
Or perish from within
Being exposed to the sun, she will explode;
So this vampiric legend goes.
It is up to you to stay up and wait.
I will be used as bait
For when she comes to feed,
Her shedded skin, you must seek,
For this vessel is how she deceives.
Salt and pepper is the weapon of lore.
A seasoned skin will reject its host.
The Boo Hag can no longer hide,
Day or night, without her guise.
She'll be vulnerable in her natural state.
It is almost a quarter to ten
‘Tis time for me to go to bed
Try and stay awake
For if we fail, and the Boo Hag escapes,
It'll be my skin, she eventually takes.
Topic(s) of this poem: folklore, horror, legend, nightmares, sleep, vampire, witches
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4 -
Report Replyst.8, line 1 " weapon [used? ] by most" ?
I wish you spent more time perfecting latter half of poem, but it is in MyPoemList already.
" Shaun" & " Susan" [see below] seemed to like it a lot, for sure.
I wonder what " Hag" looks like without disguise. I keep picturing Phyllis Diller, in her outrageous prime.
Hey! What's that pressure on my chest! ! ?
bri
:)
Thomas,
i DID reread after you sent me your response via a PH message. Thanks for that!
AND it DOES sound BETTER, maybe even " perfect" .
Wait. I didn't write it, SO.....it must NOT be " perfect" !
bri
:)
Thanks Bri for your many comments on this poem. Interestingly, some of your suggestions coincided with my concerns; others I completely missed. I revisited this poem and used a couple of your suggestions and found ways to shore up the more problematic areas. Again, thanks for taking the time to critique my poems.
3 -
Report Replyst.6 I think " night" , not " time" waned. hmm?
overall, stanza 7 is my LEAST FAVORITE so far
st.7 i want to say " shed skin" hmm? like a snake's outgrown & shed/(sloughed off) skin?
language is so difficult sometimes if one wishes to be " proper" ! ! : (
what IS " vessel" here?
2 -
Report Reply" but my skin she might take" this gave me a laugh. i'm starting to think your poem may be better than mine & it will go to MyPoemList and be shared by me with others here.
Here's my (poem) bid for glory with " gory" :
'6 Foot 3'......[long; Scary; Gross; Murder]
1 -
Report Replystanza 3 line 2 " broke" poetic license? meaning " broken"
AND st.3, line 5, i thought maybe " laid" , but:
" Answer
The past tense of lie down is lay down."
that verb's tenses of " to lay" and " to lie" fools many!
Liking this a lot so far.
st.4 i looked up " mien" means " appearance" here, i'd say. pretty picture! ! nice rhyme.
Spectacular Thomas! Another gloriously well written deliciously dark poem, filled with great imagery that
Report Replywickedly captivates from its creepy title to its pendulum swinging scythe verses to its open ended conclusion.
Deserves more than a mere 10++ and added to my dark vault to be reread the wrong side of the witching hour.
Thank you Thomas. And take care man.
Thanks, Shaun. I always enjoy your comments and your support. I also like this line: pendulum swinging scythe verses. Even your comments are poetic.
The title grabbed me and I could not ignore its siren call. I have heard if the myths about these hags but you brought them horrifyingly alive and if I have nightmares tonight, you may have just added another succubus to your list of visitors! This was an excellently creepy and chilling write! 10+++++++++++
Report ReplyThanks Susan, for your kind comment. However, at the risk of losing a succubus, I do hope you have pleasant dreams.