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josh toups

Rookie (jan 13 1990 / houma, louisiana)

I LOVE HER MORE THAN SHE KNOWS


Have you ever loved someone so much you would give an arm for them not the expression no literraly give an arm for them. Eminem once said that in a song that everyone knows as mockingbird. Now i know exactly what he meant by those words. Because at this moment that is how i feel about the girl i am currently dating. She means the world and more to me and i would be willing to do anything and give up everything just for her. Has anyone else ever felt this way before? Well i do. I love her more than she will probally ever know and i dont know how to show that to her. I want to make her happy with anything and everything she wants or atleast what ever it is that i can give her. A few nights ago we had a fight but like every couple that is willing to love and care about each other we made up. The thing about that fight is that she told me something that just crushed me inside and still does everytime i think about it. I told her that she has my heart and i want her to keep it because i feel safe knowing the fact that she has my heart. I feel like nothing in this world could hurt me no matter what danger came my way. The thing is when i told her she has my heart she said she didnt want it and that just crushed me inside. Now i don't know what to do about it or what to say. I am to scared and afraid to bring it up to her because i am afraid of what she is going to say but regardless of what was said that night i still love her and i doubt that will ever change because when she says she loves me too it lifts my heart up and it makes me feel better about myself. That is one of the things i love about her. No matter what we fight about or how much we fight she stays with me and it shocks me everyday that i am with her. Now i know what true love actually means. True love means that no matter what happens the two ppl that are meant to be together can get through what ever life throws at them. It is currently september 17 2010 and we have been dating for a month and 8 days but it seems longer than that because of what me and her have already been through. I want to marry this woman so bad that i don't care what i have to do to make her mine but i will do everything in my power to make her happy and to make her my wife. I want her to bear my child and have my last name or atleast one of them im not sure which last name she will have but regardless i want her to be my wife more than anything in this world. When some ppl say i found the girl that makes me happy you can tell when they are lying. Well im not lying when i say she makes me the happiest i have ever been. That is coming from my heart, my soul, and what ever else i can tell her that with. I wonder sometimesu if she knows how much i love her. Sometimes it is better not knowing though. I have learned over the years that sometimes the answer you get isnt always the answer you want. I love her and care about her more than she will ever know. The question though is does she feel the same way about me or am i just here to be here. Sometimes i wonder but then at the end of the day when i lay down next to her i know that nothing can hurt me because she is laying next to me and i know that as long as she is next to me nothing can hurt me. Or at least that is what i think. Is it true love? I think it is. Is it something that can last a lifetime and more? I think it is but does she? Like i said i am too scared and afraid to ask her because sometimes the answer that you get isnt always the answer that you want.

I LOVE HER MORE THAN SHE WILL EVER KNOW. But how much does she love me?

Submitted: Friday, September 17, 2010

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