Dear Friends, We Surely All Agree

Rating: 2.9
'Dear friends, we surely all agree
There's almost nothing worse to see
Than some repulsive little bum
Who's always chewing chewing gum.
(It's very near as bad as those
Who sit around and pick the nose).
So please believe us when we say
That chewing gum will never pay;
This sticky habit's bound to send
The chewer to a sticky end.
Did any of you ever know
A person called Miss Bigelow?
This dreadful woman saw no wrong
In chewing, chewing all day long.
She chewed while bathing in the tub,
She chewed while dancing at her club,
She chewed in church and on the bus;
It really was quite ludicrous!
And when she couldn't find her gum,
She'd chew up the linoleum,
Or anything that happened near–
A pair of boots, the postman's ear,
Or other people's underclothes,
And once she chewed her boy friend's nose.
She went on chewing till, at last,
Her chewing muscles grew so vast
That from her face her giant chin
Stuck out just like a violin.
For years and years she chewed away,
Consuming fifty packs a day,
Until one summer's eve, alas,
A horrid business came to pass.
Miss Bigelow went late to bed,
For half an hour she lay and read,
Chewing and chewing all the while
Like some great clockwork crocodile.
At last, she put her gum away
Upon a special little tray,
And settled back and went to sleep–
(She managed this by counting sheep).
But now, how strange! Although she slept,
Those massive jaws of hers still kept
On chewing, chewing through the night,
Even with nothing there to bite.
They were, you see, in such a groove
They positively had to move.
And very grim it was to hear
In pitchy darkness, loud and clear,
This sleeping woman's great big trap
Opening and shutting, snap–snap–snap!
Faster and faster, chop–chop–chop,
The noise went on, it wouldn't stop.
Until at last her jaws decide
To pause and open extra wide,
And with the most tremendous chew
They bit the lady's tongue in two.
Thereafter, just from chewing gum,
Miss Bigelow was always dumb,
And spent her life shut up in some
Disgusting sanatorium.
And that is why we'll try so hard
To save Miss Violet Beauregard
From suffering an equal fate.
She's still quite young. It's not too late,
Provided she survives the cure.
We hope she does. We can't be sure.'
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
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COMMENTS
Wowza Girl 07 July 2020
My mom knew Roald Dahl, she told me that he had prawns for dinner.
0 0 Reply
Wowza girl 07 July 2020
Wow, this poem is so funny ?? it makes me feel really happy
0 0 Reply
cheese 01 August 2019
good poem lol it was great why does this have to be 20 characters long? !
1 2 Reply
Shaun Cronick 09 July 2019
Roald never ever cuts any corners. Brilliant.
5 0 Reply
vanessa 05 June 2019
this is one great poem it reminds me of my siblings
5 0 Reply
Bhagabat Prasad Hotta 12 November 2018
So nice......and also so beautiful poem sir........10+++++++++++++
10 1 Reply
Laura 06 June 2018
I very muched hated the revolting bottom part
6 3 Reply
Jeff and Jerry 23 April 2018
What’s up peeps Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
5 3 Reply
Earnest Gatuma 06 November 2016
Oh...haha, this guy's poems are pleasantly intelligent.Can help on laughing once I read them.
10 3 Reply
* Sunprincess * 10 January 2016
........nicely penned....and true this could be a metaphor for something more dire ?
8 7 Reply

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