Crystal Beads Poem by Katherine Perry

These crystal beads are all I need
For a moment in time they set me free
Free to function normal today
Much easier now to want to play

You may say it's a matter of strength
But I say it's a matter of freedom
For having the choice to be a loser or a saint
It is still not enough to please some

So where do I go when I come to a dead end
And what are the options I have now
Should I continue with my situatuion, and arrive at the
door of sin
Or should I keep my secret hidden, now that I know how

These crystal beads are now my friend
They stick around whenever they can
The mask that brought pain, is now no big deal
For I have now a friend that puts up a shield

These crystal beads now give me peace
The kind that leaves me carefree
I'm no longer sad with my friend by me
And only dry tears will you see

When this drug of hope had entered my life
The Willingness was no longer pretend
And though surprised, everything now was alright
There was never a thought of how this would end

Then one day my beaded friend
Had gotten me into a mess
It stopped providing and could no longer mend
The secrets I'll never confess

So, go on and abandon me my beaded friend
With you I no longer care to toke
Maybe I'll see you now and then
But for now I am sharing my line of coke

On with the weeks, months and years
Knowing the friend I have now may fade away
But there will be no need to worry or fear
For there is always one waiting to take it's place

Now more time has passed
But no replacement have I found
So I sit here and ask
Where's my solid ground

Damaging my mental health
My mind now relies on meds
Though not reversible I'm afraid for myself
At least that's what the doctor said

I never imagined for this day to come
And I was sure there would always be
Some sort of a replacement after each drug i've done
Something that would accommodate me

But there was not a drug left to try
And nothing left to numb the pain
Only drugs that would end my life
Nothing left to hide the shame

So I prayed, oh God, I don't deserve forgiveness from you
But I'm scared of where I might end up
The withdrawel from this addiction is killing me too
And what I can offer you now is not that much

Dear God, I am down on my knees silently crying for you
Although in the back of my mind I know I'm not worthy of
my demands
But time is running out, and I'm not knowing what to do
So I reach up in hope that you'll hold my hand

Please God, help me to put aside my wordly things
And give me strength to choose what the world values least
Cause I feel so low that it would take more than just wings
For I feel like I am dying from becoming so weak

This time God, I do not have my own solution
So I give myself to you to figure out
Will you help me get beyond this world's pollution
And show me the way to a better route

Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior
So I will now try and remain sober
And let go of all my wrong behavior
And thank you for the chance to start over!